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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...