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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
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If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"