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Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.