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The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.