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You can`t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that`s kind of the same thing.
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.