Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?