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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
I bought powdered water but I don`t know what to add to it.
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.
These are not pizza stains on my shirt they are pizza memories, wonderful wonderful memories.