Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.