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The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.