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Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
Nothing tells your friends you`ve made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.