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Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I donโt trust it. Everyone knows itโs impossible to drive without eating the fries.
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
Sรถ รฎ hรจรฃrd รฟรดu lรฌkรช gรนรฟลก with รกcรงeรฑts?
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
Whenever thereโs an awkward silence, try whispering, โDid you forget your line?โ
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.