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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
I`ve often wondered: Who the heck is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?