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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
The secret to success is in my bra.
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)