Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!