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Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.