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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That`s a ghost finishing sex with you.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.