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The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead but other people do. The same is true when you are stupid.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.