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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I`m gonna get the government involved so you can`t leave.
Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
Karma may "work" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.