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Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.