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Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.