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I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted