Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"