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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.