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For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
I give myself the best presents.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now Iām gonna be up all night worrying.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.