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If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
I play hard to get along with.