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Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.