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I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
A wasp just landed on my balls. Hardest decision of my life.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...