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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
I don`t understand when people say `age is just a number`... Age is clearly a word.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!