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Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…