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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying
I often worry about the safety of my children, especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me & talking back right now.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.