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Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
"I’m not drunk!” is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
Don`t get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !