Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever.
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.