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I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?