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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.