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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.