Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.