Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.