Daily Silly Status

Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.

If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.

Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?

I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)

Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.

If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.

I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.

"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"

I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.

On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.

When someone says "Surprise me", I quickly drop my pants.

Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."

The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.