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If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
It`s not that I like watching midget porn, it`s just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?