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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.
I may be asking too much of this coffee.