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never be afraid to wipe twice
Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong