Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?