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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I wish common sense was more common.
Me:"I had a dream about you." Girlfriend:"Awwwwww." Me:"Yeah, you died."
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?