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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
Does the Food Network deliver?
If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
I`m never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.