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Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
You can`t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that`s kind of the same thing.
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.