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The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Party like you will never be invited to another!
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.