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I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that`s why I weigh myself in the mornings.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.