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Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know