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I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.