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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
I believe in love at first episode.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
Tonight`s weather forecast: dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered of light by morning.
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.