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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.