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I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
There are 2 types of people that annoy me: Drunk people, when I`m sober. Sober people, when I`m drunk.
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
Being alive is so expensive.