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The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
This recliner and I go way back.
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.