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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals, you probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.