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I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..