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There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.