Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Does this status update make me look fat?
Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.
Today`s subliminal thought is: …
According to my nipples, there;s a ninety-nine percent chance it`s cold as f*ck outside.