Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In the morning instead of having coffee and reading my horoscope, I have coffee and unfriend anyone who posts their horoscope.
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.