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After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
What am I taking to the Family Thanksgiving feast? Tupperware.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!