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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.