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People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
There were 2 muffins in a muffin shop the first 1 says "I love being a muffin!" then the 2 muffin says ``Holy crap its a talking muffin!"