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Teens today have it so easy. We didn`t have self-checkout lanes when we bought condoms.
My support group can outdrink your support group.
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don`t feel like doing.
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!