Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.