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If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.