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McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.