Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
Being a man in biblical times must’ve been hard. You’re busy then your wife says, “Someone parted the Red Sea & you’re here watching sheep.”
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.