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Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.