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Which wine goes best with more wine?
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.