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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
My IQ? ... With google or without?
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.