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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.