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I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
Relationships are like yard sales. They look good from a distance, but once you get there it`s just a bunch of sh!t you don`t really need.
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
Never squat with your spurs on
My life is loosely based on a true story.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.