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OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.