Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?