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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.