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I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Home is where the pants aren’t.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.