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How is it possible that we have one hand that can do everything while the other hand is all, “I can’t even hold a pencil”?
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
Instead of cleaning the house I just watch an episode of Hoarders and I think WOW, my house really looks great.
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
Missed connection: I was a 15 year old boy, you were 1984 Madonna.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!