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Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
I just "borrowed" my neighbors nissan frontier, they make that trick look easier on the commercial
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?