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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.