Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!!!!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming... 1. Whenever you`re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you`re right, shut up.
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.