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The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?