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Somedays I could do without the life lesson
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF