Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
It`s awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.