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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked ā but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
Iām so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets