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I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
I just blew all my party money on bills again
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".