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I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.