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Pizza is my favorite winter activity
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.