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The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
When a bird bangs into your window, do you wonder if God is playing angry birds
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
The problem with diets is pizza.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?