Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.